


Broken

by ScarletWinter2478



Category: MCU Bucky Barnes
Genre: Broken Realationship, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 05:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13698096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletWinter2478/pseuds/ScarletWinter2478
Summary: Sometimes good intentions hurt.  Sometimes love is not enough.A very, very short little tale...Warning: This might get you in the feels. :(





	Broken

 

He sat in the spacious living room; leaning back in the comfortable couch with his right ankle crossed over and resting just above his left knee. Bucky could hear her sobbing through the bathroom door and it cut him to the quick. He felt like the douche bag that she thought he was at that moment. Hurting her was the last thing he had wanted, but he figured there was no way to break up with someone without the pain.   The fact that he still loved her didn’t make it any easier.

Maybe it would have been better for both of them if he had done it much sooner. He had known from the beginning that he really didn’t belong in her world; that he could never truly fit in with her family and friends and their way of life. It didn’t matter how nice they all were to him (he was after all a pretty likeable guy under the right circumstances); or how hard they all tried to make him comfortable and a part of the family. And unfortunately, it didn’t matter how much they loved each other. And they did love each other; deeply, passionately, desperately… like crazy.   


_*** They met at a Stark Industries Summer Bash…if he remembered the wording on the invitation correctly. It wouldn’t have made a difference what it was called; the fact that Tony had breached his self-imposed barrier between the two of them and actually sent Bucky an invitation was reason enough to graciously accept and attend. As he had anticipated, even though most of the Avengers team was present, he felt like the odd man out.   Let’s face it; Tony Stark was a billionaire with the finest of any and everything at his disposal. The majority of the other guests seemed to be, if not equal, at least in the same ballpark when it came to money, manners, education and expectations. Bucky didn’t fit in._

_Dressed in dark slacks and a white dress shirt with his dark gray sports jacket slung over his arm, he made a striking figure as he leaned casually against the railing of a wide marble staircase that led to the upper floors of the estate house where the party was being held. He had surprised the rest of the team, showing up with his usually long locks shorn into a fashionable modern style. Of course nothing could detract from his startling blue eyes and even though he had shaved only hours before, the shadings of his ever present scruff was already showing on his well featured face._

_The sound of musical laughter caught his attention, and turning see who it was, his eyes locked on one of the two very pretty women coming down the stairs side by side, sharing some amusing story. Her words caught in her throat as she took in his appearance, a small smile creasing the corners of her mouth. He turned his body as he kept his eyes fixed on her, moving to stand at the foot of the staircase where he offered her his hand before she reached the bottom step, not letting go, even after she thanked him in a soft, genteel voice._

_“Good evening Miss… I’m James Barnes, but please call me Bucky.”_

_Her smile, now spread into a broad grin as she curtsied slightly, “Good evening Mr. Barnes…Bucky. I’m Erin Masters and I am very pleased to make your acquaintance.”_

_Inhaling a deep breath, searching for the right words he simply spoke from his heart. “You are beautiful… and I would love to walk with you in the garden, if you would allow me?”_

_Astonished that she had accepted his invitation, he offered his arm and guided her out to the well manicured garden where they had taken a leisurely walk. Once they returned to the party inside, they managed to find each other several times throughout the rest of the evening and ended up at her place; tangled in the sheets, bodies clinging to each other, laughing as Bucky described the party through his eyes, doing several spectacular impressions of various other guests. ***_  
  


That’s how their story had begun, and now it was coming to an end. It had to. Having made up his mind, there would be no changing it. Bucky wanted only the best for Erin, and there was simply no way he could give it to her. Yes, they were in love; a tragically doomed connection even before it started. He wanted her to be happy, to have everything she deserved, to share her life with someone who didn’t live in the shadows of the things he had done; someone who could **share** his past with her; build a future with her. He wanted the best for her and he  knew it wasn’t him.  


After several more minutes the door to the bathroom opened slowly; he caught the movement in his peripheral vision and turned to watch as Erin stepped into the hallway. The sight of her; eyes red and puffy, tears staining her face, the grim set of her mouth; brought a groan of regret to his throat.

“Bucky…why are you still here?”

She spoke softly, with little emotion, but he knew her so well, he could see that she was barely holding it together.

“I couldn’t leave you alone, not while you were so upset.” The words sounded shallow, even to him.

“I’m fine now, so you can go.” Her voice cracked with last couple of words and she closed her eyes, willing herself to not give in to the misery that radiated from her heart, scorching her very soul.   


For nearly two years it had been his job to comfort her in moments like this; to hold her in his arms and whisper words of assurance, to remind her how special she was and to bring a soft smile to her lips. It seemed impossible that it was now he himself who had brought on such sorrow; even though he was positive it was the right thing to do. Not to cause her pain of course, but to put an end to their romance; to set her free to find someone who COULD be what she needed, what she deserved, what he could never be.  


Erin stood at the entrance of the living room, arms folded, clutching herself in a protective hug. It felt as if her heart had actually split apart as Bucky had calmly explained to her why it was time to call it quits. Her head was pounding and she felt sick at her stomach… and as much as it wounded her to have him sitting there in front of her, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him; knowing it could well be the last time she would ever see him.

A renewed wave of grief hit her full force and her calm demeanor gave way to another bout of desperate tears. Bucky stood and met her in the doorway, wrapping his arms around her. She grew stiff at first, trying to convince herself that she didn’t want him to touch her, when they both knew it was exactly what she wanted. Giving in, Erin rested her face against his chest, her arms encircling his waist, hating herself because as horribly as he had just hurt her, she would forgive and forget without thinking twice about it. This is where he belonged, why couldn’t he see that?  


His own heart aching, Bucky held her close, swaying almost imperceptibly from side to side, a gentle motion that was like a soothing balm; allowing her to relax in his arms. It wasn’t long before the crying was replaced by repeated sniffles and an occasional sudden hitch of her breath.   Reaching for the box of Kleenex that sat on a small table nearby, he grabbed it and held it up to her; smiling sadly as she took several tissues, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose.  


Heaving a deep sigh, Erin gazed into his blue eyes, the eyes that had haunted her dreams from the first moment she met him. Why was he doing this? HOW could he do this? If he loved her, if he truly loved her… he wouldn’t; he couldn’t. How could she have been so wrong about him?

“Bucky… I still don’t understand why you are doing this. But I want you to know that I love you; with every fiber of my being I love you and only want you to be happy. So,” her throat was tightening up again, but she powered through and continued, “… if I’m not the one who can make you happy, you should go. I…promise …” another painful pause as she pushed back the tears, “I promise I won’t try to stop you. I don’t know how I’ll ever go on without you, but I WILL, because that’s what you want.”  


The burning in his gut was now reaching maximum capacity. His heart, what was left of it, was pounding through his chest. He didn’t want this, he didn’t. If he ever prayed, he would ask that she might understand it someday… and forgive him for hurting her. Releasing his hold on her, Bucky stared at the floor; he couldn’t look into her soulful eyes and keep his composure.

“Erin listen, in a week or two, when you’ve had time to think about it, when the pain is less raw, you’ll see that I’m right. I’m not a noble man, not an honorable man, not even a good man; but I can’t allow you to follow me down whatever misguided path my life is on. You have your own path. Take it and be happy.”   Finally raising his eyes to hers, he added, “Years from now, if you ever look back on our time together, I hope you won’t hate me too much.”

Suddenly moving away, Bucky walked to the door, turning to gaze at her one last time. “Thank you… Thank you for loving me.”

 

And that was it. He was gone. Erin stared at the beautifully white-washed wooden door; her breath coming in gasps, her pulse pounding in her ears. She dropped to the floor, leaning against the back of a chair and continued to stare at the door for a very, very long time.

 

Outside, Bucky kept his head down and walked briskly across the parking lot, hot tears streaming down his face. He nearly ran into a woman whose arms were loaded with shopping bags, not even uttering an apology; he narrowly escaped being hit by an over anxious driver trying to find the perfect parking space and finally he reached his bike. As it roared to life, he kicked back the stand and made his way to the exit, his mind racing, now full of doubt. What had he done? Was it really the right thing? Or was it the easy thing? Was he running from the best thing that had ever happened to him because he was afraid? Afraid that he couldn’t handle the responsibility of loving someone ‘til death do us part’?  

He knew that was what Erin wanted; what she needed from him; the promise to stay with her, to have kids and grow old together. It was a sweet dream, but one that he felt powerless to fulfill. At heart, at the very core of what was left of his battered soul, he was a loner. HYDRA had done that to him and there was no undoing it; of that much he was certain. He would eventually grow restless, feeling trapped and unable to cope. It always happened. Better to disappoint her now than on down the road. Yes, he **was** doing the right thing. He was sure of that…

Pulling out onto the street, he glanced up towards Erin’s apartment, whispered “I love you” one last time and drove away, never looking back.


End file.
